Tag: Funny

  • An experienced programmer

    Here I’m going to tell you some characteristics of experienced programmer. After reading this post, find out weather you fall within this category or not?


    – When you are counting objects, you go like “0,1,2,3,4,5, 6,7,8,9,A, B,C,D…” .

    – When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.

    – When your wife says “If you don’t turn off that darn machine and come to bed,then I am going to divorce you!”, and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.

    – When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.

    – When you look for your car keys using: “grep keys /dev/pockets”

    – When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.

    – When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.

    – When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.

    – When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you’re doing the math in octal.

  • Habits of High Achievers

    Aristotle said “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.” High achievers have developed good habits such as goal setting, taking action and continuous improvement. Build on on the success you have already achieved by improving at least one of the following:

    1. Conquer Fear
    Fear is a goal stopper, think of the goals that you have set that you never achieved. Think of how great it would be to achieve some of your goals in life. Often we are afraid of the unknown. If we learn to conquer our fear who knows what we could overcome.

    2. Eliminate Perfectionism
    There is a healthy and unhealthy side to perfectionism. The unhealthy side leads us punishing ourselves for things that we feel we did not do our best in.

    3. End Procrastination
    Stop talking and start doing, we can all set our goals and reset them over and over. If we do this we will never get started. List your goals and stick to them. There is no point lighting the fire if you are not going to keep it going.

  • Funny Auto Replies

    Are you so busy which is making you unable to reply all mails you have received? If so; set following cool auto replies…

    1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

    2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office.

    If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.

    3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return From holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order It was received .

    4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged £5.99 for the first ten Words and £1.99 for each additional word in your message.

    5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver This message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

    6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system…

    You are Currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 13 weeks.

    7. I’ve run away to join a different circus.

  • Software engineer and his wife

    Husband – hey dear, I am logged in.

    Wife – would you like to have some snacks?

    Husband – hard disk full.

    Wife – have you brought the saree.

    Husband – Bad command or file name.

    Wife – but I told you about it in morning

    Husband – erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.

    Wife – hae bhagwan !forget it where’s your salary.

    Husband – file in use, read only, try after some time.

    Wife – at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.

    Husband – sharing violation, access denied.

    Wife – I made a mistake in marrying you.

    Husband – data type mismatch.

    Wife – you are useless.

    Husband – by default.

    Wife – who was there with you in the car this morning?

    Husband – system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.

    Wife – what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?

    Husband – the only user with write permission.

    Wife – what is my value in your life?

    Husband – unknown virus detected.

    Wife – do you love me or your computer?

    Husband – Too many parameters.

    Wife – I will go to my dad’s house.

    Husband – program performed illegal operation, it will Close.

    Wife – I will leave you forever.

    Husband – close all programs and log out for another User.

    Wife – it is worthless talking to you.

    Husband – shut down the computer.

    Wife – I am going

    Husband – Its now safe to turn off your computer

  • Marketing Terms

    1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: “I am very rich. “Marry me!”
    – That’s Direct Marketing…”

    2. You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: “He’s very rich.”Marry him.”
    -That’s Advertising…”

    3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: “Hi, I’m very rich. “Marry me
    – That’s Telemarketing…”

    4. You’re at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)”Marry Me?”
    – That’s Public Relations…”

    5. You’re at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:”You are very rich! “Can you marry ! me?”
    – That’s Brand Recognition…”

    6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: “I am very rich. Marry me!” She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
    – “That’s Customer Feedback…”

    7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: “I am very rich. Marry me!” And she introduces you to her husband.
    – “That’s demand and supply gap…”

    8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: “I’m rich. Will you marry me?” and she goes with him
    – “That’s competition eating into your market share…”

    9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: “I’m rich, Marry me!” your wife arrives.
    – “That’s restriction for entering new markets…”

  • Programming Jokes

    A software engineer was smoking in office.

    Girl says, Cant you see the warning? “smoking is injurious to health”

    the engineer says…….. …

    We bother only about Errors not Warnings !!!

    —————————————————————————-

    Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting “F1 F1″ and nobody understood it.

    —————————————————————————-

    Q. How did the programmer die in the shower?
    A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

    —————————————————————————-

    Error messages under consideration for Windows Vista

    • Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

    • Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

    • BREAKFAST.SYS halted… Cereal port not responding.

    • Close your eyes and press escape three times.

    • File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

    • Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.

    • Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

    • Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

    • Windows message: “Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)”

    • Windows VirusScan 1.0 – “Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)”